Trout Almondine

9/26/2003

IS IT ME...

My thoughts on the 10 Democrat candidates (in no particular order):

KERRY: Start emphasizing 57 varieties. It won't help much, but it's your only unique connection with the people right now.

LIEBERMAN: Stop being a crotchety old man. Every time you open your mouth, you're mean to somebody else. No one likes a meanie.

EDWARDS: Apparently you're bored, because you have nothing better to do than run a losing campaign for the presidency.

SHARPTON: Your hair has a better chance of winning without you.

MOSELEY-BRAUN: There's a reason you were sent to Samoa. Get a clue -- we didn't want you back.

CLARK: He doesn't have everything down yet. But I do know he's got cojones for standing up to the SecDef over Kosovo. I'm not putting all my eggs in his basket yet.

GEPHARDT: I get it -- you're pro-labor. So pro-labor that you're anti-free trade. Quick econ lesson -- skilled labor rates go up, costs go up, the rest of those likely to vote Democrat (the less-well off) will end up shelling out more money every year, even if you give them a tax break.

DEAN: Does Howard Dean look like a child molester when he attempts to smile?

KUCINICH:

GRAHAM: I can't even remember that he's running.
So speaks Creamed, 11:50 AM

9/25/2003

FYI INFORMATION DEPARTMENT:

At my workplace, when we analze an organization's policies and practices and compare them to Federal standards or some other governing principle, we refer to it as a "GAP analysis process." It's always capitalized like that, which raises the question "What does GAP stand for"? After a brief poll, I'm pretty sure that GAP stands for "Gap Analysis Process." Or perhaps "GAP Analysis Process," which raises the possibility of an infinite recursion which makes my head spin to even contemplate.

Challenged to identify whether there was a literary term to describe this kind of construction, I proposed "fractalism," "recursive phrase," "embedded redundancy" and "internal tautology." Having been informed that further research was necessary, I came across a web page devoted to phrases that include the acronym. It refers to these constructions as "RAP Phrases" (Redundant Acronym Phrases), which (obviously) is itself a RAP phrase. The internal reference of a term to descibe internal reference presents a meta-construction worthy of Douglas Hofstadter (give me some props if you know the reference), so obviously it trumps all my proposed terms.
In conducting this research (which took lest time than composing this posting), I also came across this glossary of literary terms. I didn't find any of these classical literary term that adequately described the phenomenon, suggesting (as I suspect is the case) that RAP phrases are a relatively modern liguistic construction. There are, however, some beautiful and interesting terms here, some of which kind of, but not exactly, capture the concept. Enjoy.
So speaks Trout, 3:07 PM

9/24/2003

A THREAT TO OUR NATIONAL SECURITY

Last night, I discovered a threat so sinister that it made me angry. It was something so simple, so subtle, as to almost go unnoticed. This has clearly been carefully orchestrated by those who would do us harm.

That's right, my friends -- the greater Bailey's Crossroads area of Virginia is completely out of cilantro.

I just wanted to make a simple pico de gallo to go with the steak fajitas I had planned on making for dinner. So I stopped at the market with the better vegetable and meat selection -- Harris Teeter. Two different labels for cilantro -- but in its place were radishes and parsley. I even asked the attendant, who told me it couldn't be had.

But it's not pico de gallo without cilantro. So I tried Giant. Again, nothing! Bins overflowing with parsley, but no cilantro in sight.

Something about this doens't smell quite right -- and it's not just because I was forced to use dried cilantro.

By the way, I highly recommend Stonewall Kitchen's Maple Chipotle Grille Sauce. Just enough sweet from the maple syrup combined with just enough spice. Great for any meat. I also recommend a trip to Stonewall Kitchen if you're in the area of York, Maine.
So speaks Creamed, 3:39 PM

9/23/2003

STYLE INVITATIONAL, WEEK 520:

No ink, my entries weren't that funny, and neither were the ones that got printed, three of which used jokes similar to the ones I submitted. That is all.
So speaks Trout, 10:03 AM

9/22/2003

CAN'T KEEP A GOOD FISH DOWN DEPARTMENT:

Thanks to a benefactor who may wish to remain anonymous (it was VikingZen), I am now the proud owner of a precious, rare Haloscan account! You may comment below.

The only downside of VZ's munificence is that to log into the Haloscan site, I need to use the username of the spare account. Not to repay her generosity with mockery, but she got the account to use on the blog she was planning that would have recounted the daily adventures of her cat. My username for that account is her cat's name, and before I changed the link below--the one that now says "Does anyone have anything to say" or whatever I put there--it said "Scratch behind my ear: (0)".

Obviously, this was not a tenable state of affairs for a piscine-pseudonomynous dialectic.

Much thanks, VZ, may you and "Catfish" receive fitting karma for your altruism.
So speaks Trout, 9:37 PM